Thursday Thankfuls

My thankfuls are pretty short this week...

I'm thankful for Margie and Scott!!!! Without you guys I don't know what I would do. I couldn't ask for anyone better to watch my babies when I have to work. You guys are the best!!!

I'm thankful for our home office for giving Gymboree more man hours to schedule. I'm also thankful to my manager for giving me more hours than the other team members for two weeks in a row. You rock and I rock and now I know you know I rock! lol

I'm thankful for my friends! Both E-friends and IRL friends. You guys have listened to me bitch, cheered me up, congratulated me when something good happens and laughed with me many times. I appreciate all of you. I especially my friends who stay up all night texting me because I can't sleep. I'm pretty sure none of those friends read my blog but here's your shout out anyway in case you peek in here sometime lol

I'm thankful for Bob...yes I said it... he gave me two handsome babies, he's being very generous with our agreement and I still have a car and an apartment.

I'm thankful to my mom and dad for making such a beautiful daughter... HAHA I actually had someone tell me today to tell my mom and dad thanks for making such a beautiful daughter lmao!!!

15 months

Skeebs is 15 months old today!!! Where has the time gone?

He's 21 pounds, sleeps 9-12 hours a night, walks and runs. His favorite food is EVERYTHING, the only things he doesn't like is brussels sprouts. He loves playing with his big brother. They play peek a boo, cars, coloring, and trucks.

His favorite thing to do is sit in the cabinets lol. He says dada, mama, bubba, eat, thanks, hi, love you, cat, doggy, ick, and for the first time today he said cup.

His hair is getting lighter and lighter, but he still looks just like his mama. He's so smart, just like Patrick, trying to figure out how things work.

Oh and he brings me a diaper when he's wet or dirty.

He's still on his breathing treatments and allergy meds.

He's growing up way too fast and before I know it he's going to be TWO...gasp!!!!

Tuesday Thoughts

• Sometimes I get down and start missing Bob. It's happening less and less every day, but it hit me hard yesterday when I picked up the mail and my house key and car keys were in there.
• Patrick is really taking it hard and has begun acting out. It's wearing me down really fast, but I have no choice but to keep on keeping on.
• Even though I have been caring for the boys on my own since November when Bob moved to Brownsville, knowing I won't get that help every other weekend is really making it harder. 
• Some days I wake up and wonder if I'm really as strong as I pretend to be. I wonder if I can really do this on my own. 
• Does it make me a bad mom that I am ready for him to come take them for a weekend???
• I love my kids to death, but I think we're all getting on each other's nerves. They need a break from me as much as I need a break from them.
• I don't know what I would do without Margie and Scott!!!!!
• I don't know what I would do without any of my friends. You've all helped me in your own way. I appreciate each of you!
• Even though it's only 15 hours I'm not used to working this much anymore haha. I've been working a day or two a week since New Years and then all of a sudden she jumps me to 5 days. I will love it come payday.
• I wish one thing would go right for me just once... My coccyx still hurts like no other, I have this horrible tooth pain that will bring me to tears, my children won't mind me, Bob left, my mom and Matt moved, work is crazy busy. I would ask "what else could go wrong?" but I'm afraid to find out the answer to that.
• Okay! Enough woe is me for one blog post.

Monday Madness

First off... I am so freaking tired of being in pain!!!! Between my tooth and my coccyx I can't catch a dang break. UGH

Now on to my busy week...

• Monday: Working 11-3! We have markdowns to do. After work maybe the gym. 
• Tuesday: No work!!!! Patrick has his speech evaluation at 9. I'm going to attempt to tan today if the boys will cooperate with me.
• Wednesday: Work!!!! Should be 6:30-9:30. Before work will be a day of bill paying and running errands.
• Thursday: I'm on call from 12-3 and Thursday night is darts. I don't know if they'll need me to play or not though.
• Friday: Working!!! 6:30-9:30 I think. Gym time!!!
• Saturday: This is D&D week. It should be our last session before we start DH (Dark Heresy). No work!
• Sunday: I'm pretty sure I work Sunday because I think we have new line going out.

Dating?

He's clearly moved on (heck he moved on before he even left) so why shouldn't I?

I married my first husband right out of high school and I married Bob 3 months after my divorce was final. So the whole dating thing is going to be really new to me. It's going to be really hard with kids, but I think I can manage.

So now the question is how does one meet people? I know that sounds like a silly question, but my whole life is kids, working, and working out. I guess I could try the online route again, but I seem to have a bad track record with meeting guys online (hello husband one and husband two). I also don't want to weed through a bunch of "when can we have sex" messages.

One thing is for sure, I'm taking it slow and not rushing anything. I know one day I'll meet the man that will treat me and my kids the way we deserve. :)

So I guess now my readers get to listen to me complain about dating lol

Friday Randoms...

• I won the first dart game which means I won my first ever dart game that wasn't for fun or practice!!!
• I got extra hours at work next week!!! 
• I can't even begin to describe the support system I have right now. People I've met only a handful of times have offered to help me with anything I may need.
• I have the most amazing friends and family!!!
• I think I'm getting sick :(
• I'm cold but I'm too lazy to go get a blanket lol
• I should go to bed
• IMYLM...
• ...ILYLC!!!
• Thinking about making a trip to Arkansas to see Lindsey and Curtis
• I'm playing Peggle on the Xbox and the music is stuck in my head
• I need to clean my house!
• I wish someone would come wash my dishes lol
• Tonight was soooo much better than last Thursday night

My Boys!

I got the call from the speech therapist today. She'll be here Tuesday morning at 9:00 to evaluate Patrick. He still isn't where he needs to be for a three year old. We'll start with some tests and an evaluation then go from there.

Mason is doing well. He hasn't wheezed in a week!!!! He'll be on his meds for at least three months before we determine if he can be off them. If he wheezes at all during that three months his three months starts over.

They are both getting so big and growing up so fast. I think Patrick senses the change because he's been acting out a lot this week. Mason stood by the window today and pointed outside and said DA DA over and over again. It also hit me today that I can't just walk into the store and buy them a new toy anymore. I don't have the money to do that. Mason wanted this Imaginex toy so bad today and it broke my heart that I couldn't buy it for him. Luckily Patrick had some money he'd been saving so he was able to get a new toy and he shared some of his money with his bubba so he could get a new toy too (though not the one he wanted).

But it's all good because one day my boys will have everything they ever wanted and I'll be sure of that!!!

Tuesday Thoughts

• I wish my blog was something incredible, but it's not.
• I wish my life was different, but it's not.
• I wish my boys weren't growing up without a father figure, but they are.
• I wish everyone would quit asking if I'm okay then looking at me like I'm on crack when I say yes I'm fine.
• I do still love him, I always will, but he's made it perfectly clear this is what he wants and he's not willing to talk so I am not wasting my time harping on it. I'm moving on. Plain and simple.
• I'm thirsty... ha!
• I sleep better at night knowing it's not my my place to worry if he's out being stupid and drinking.
• I feel refreshed in the morning when I wake up.
• I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
• Yes it hurts, but I'm healing. 
• My friends are incredible.
• My best friend is the most amazing person in the world (besides me of course hehe). Thank you for yesterday!!!! I NEEDED that! Now come kill the dragon for me then we can Zumba. lol

Monday Madness

It's that time again... freaking MONDAY!

Patrick has a doctor's appointment at 10:00 then the boys are going to Margie's for a couple hours so I can run some errands and take care of some personal business. On call from 6:30-9:30

Tuesday I think I'll hit the gym and do some tanning. Working 6:30-9:30

Wednesday I am off. I was supposed to go grab dinner with Kayla's dad so we could talk about visitation and child support and what not, but with all that's going on I don't think I'm going to. I can't really afford to eat out anyway. Probably gym today too.

Thursday I work 11:30-3:30, and I'll probably try to squeeze some tanning or something in afterward. Darts maybe? IDK

Friday I am on call 6:30-9:30. This originally should have been Bob's weekend home so I have no idea what I am going to do with my time. Maybe the boys and I will go to the park or something.

Saturday??? Again I have no clue... non D&D weekends are going to suck now.

Accepting it

Bob and I texted a bit last night and he said that he is 100% sure this is what he wants. He said he was sorry it came to this, and that he'd take care of the boys and I the best he could.

So because of the fact that he is 100% sure then I am not going to allow myself to hold out hope that I'll see his truck pull up or hope for the phone call that says let's talk about this.

I am going to accept it for what it is and move on in my life. I am going to be the best mom I can be and one day I'll move on in other parts of my life and I'll make some man as happy as he makes me.

Until then I will just keep taking it day by day... one thing at a time right? And raise my boys to be the best they can be. I have an amazing support system with my friends and family and I am grateful for each and every one of you.

Do I still love Bob? Absolutely! I will always hold a place in my heart for him because of Patrick and Mason. Am I okay with what's going on? Not 100% right now but I know I will be as time goes on.

I have one friend in particular that I would like to say thank you and love you! You're amazing and I miss you!!!! I hope you read this post.

Broken

One word is all it takes to sum up how I feel. I still wake up in the morning, I still live my life, I have to. My boys need me. Everyone asks how I'm doing and I say I'm fine, I say I'm okay but if you could look deeper you'd see that I'm not me. I'm a shell of me who has good times. Times when the tears stop and for that moment everything is alright. I can put on one hell of a front and appear strong. I can stop the tears long enough to hold a conversation, but inside I'm so broken.

Seven years... and while they weren't all perfect they were perfect for us. We held strong through some crazy stuff. We brought two amazing little boys into this world. Two perfect handsome amazing little boys. They're what keep me going. I know when I go pick them up from Abilene I am going to lose it. I can't begin to know how to explain things to them.

I know I am strong enough to do this, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have to do it for my boys though!!!

So wow...

...yeah

I went with my mom and Matt to play darts tonight. We were having a good time. We stopped at Whataburger on our way home and Bob calls.

He says "we need to talk, go somewhere by yourself". He tells me (while I'm standing in Whataburger parking lot) that he's not coming home tomorrow because he's met someone else. That's it... just like that... in the matter of one phone call my marriage is over.

I have no words, but to my "lovely" blog stalkers...talk your trash all you want, share my blog and tell your friends, laugh at me behind my back, whatever else it is you do. At this point in time I don't even care.

Good night!!!!

Craziness

We found ourselves back in the doctor's office for Mason today. He started with a runny nose and coughing last night. He was wheezing so bad by the time we got there it was audible and she didn't have to try very hard to hear it. His pulse ox was 93 and we did a breathing treatment. He was able to go home because his pulse ox came up to 94 after the treatment.

Since it's only been about 3 weeks since his last episode he will now be on 2 every day meds for at least 3 months. If he can go 3 months without wheezing then they will start to ween him off. If he can't then he stays on until he can.

It breaks my heart to see my baby suffer like this. :( I wish I could suffer instead of him.

I am still a bit sore too, but it comes and goes. I'm back to normal activity (though I haven't been to the gym yet).

Still no news on the house as of yet. We should hear something today though.

Tuesday Thoughts

I need to get back in the gym. Maybe I'll go try it out today.

I started tanning again so I'll be doing that today as well.

I hope we hear about the house today.

Yesterday afternoon I had some amazing no kid time with my best friend, and while I ended the day in pain it was so very worth it!

I am obsessed with the Xbox lol

I want to try my Kindle out so bad, but I REALLY want to finish this Warhammer book and it isn't available on Kindle (if you had told me 5 months ago I'd buy a Kindle and it sit in the case this long I'd have said you were crazy)

5 months!? REALLY?!? 5 months!? That's crazy!!!

I Miss You Like Mad...
...I Love You Like Crazy!!!

I love my kids more than anything, but I am so looking forward to this weekend. I don't have to worry about finding a baby sitter for D&D, I can spend time with my husband, I can enjoy some peace and quiet around the house

I need to go to bed, I've stayed up way too late every day last week, and woken up way too early.

Monday Madness

Picking Kayla up from her dad's Monday afternoon then going to a bar-b-que at my sister's house. On call Monday night.

Hopefully Tuesday and Wednesday is spent packing. I am hoping we hear from the real estate agent ASAP.

Early Thursday morning I'll take Lindsey back home to Weatherford then drop Kayla, Mason, and Patrick off in Abilene.

Bob will be home Friday sometime. I can't wait to give him his birthday present (mostly so I can play it lol).

Saturday should be D&D day. Saturday night is Bob's birthday party and I really hope we have a good turn out or it's going to suck.

Sunday we'll go pick the boys up from Abilene and celebrate Bob's birthday (he'll be 43 on Monday the 21st) as a family. He goes back to Brownsville Monday I believe.

I hope we move this week. I REALLY want this house. Still looking for furniture.

Moving???

We turn in the applications for the house that caught our eyes the most (the 4 bedroom I blogged about earlier this week) tomorrow. We should know in a few days if we get it. We could be moving by the end of the week.

I am excited!!!! I most excited about talking the D&D guys into playing over there sometimes because there is a room just PERFECT for game playing and it can be closed off or opened up to the rest of the house. It's attached to my bedroom and also leads out to the back porch (where the built in hot tub is).

I need to get a baby monitor since the boys' room will be so far away from mine. My room is stuck off in the back of the house (which I really like).

We need furniture so if any of my local readers know of anyone looking to get rid of tables or maybe some bunk beds or dressers please let me know. Oh and it's not too far from where I live now. Just a couple exits South.

I am so glad the boys will have a yard to play in and their own room. I really hope we get approved.

Coccyx

Yup yup I have a pretty badly bruised coccyx. I have to sit on a "donut" which really is a hot pink pool floaty I got for a buck at Wal Mart. I have three medications to take (a steroid, a muscle relaxer, and a pain reliever).  I am able to work, but can't bend over or kneel down and she said to get my butt to the gym and do some light cardio to help get the blood flowing to help reduce inflammation.

In other news we bought an Xbox and I finally ordered my Kindle. I can't wait to get it in. I've been messing with the Xbox all night. Mom and I got super cute (but weird) outfits to wear to dart league on St. Patrick's Day. Wait til you see the pictures. Ha! I'm sure you all will laugh at us.

Other than that, not too much going on. It's supposed to be Friday Randoms today, but I wanted to update you on my coccyx in case you were curious about how that was going. I just like saying coccyx lol.

Thursday Thankfuls

I am thankful for...

My doctor... she got me in for a follow up finally. I see her Thursday morning at 10:00. I'm not sure what I'll get out of the appointment, but my pain is getting worse instead of better. :(

My mom and Matt for helping with the boys while I've been laid up on the couch.

Speeding tickets... HA because the alternative decision would have been WAY worse.

Motrin because I ran out of Tramadol a few days ago and Motrin has helped take the edge off a bit

My friends for checking on me every day and asking if I need anything (and also not laughing at me because I look and walk like a mess right now)

My manager at Gymboree for understanding that I am still not ready to come back to work.

Disney Channel for keeping Patrick and Mason occupied while Mom and Matt are out tonight so I can relax on the couch after a long day.

Should Be Wordless Wednesday

Today should be Wordless Wednesday, but I haven't taken pictures in some time so instead it's just Wednesday. Now what should I blog about??? I have no clue!!!

I could go on and on about how much my butt hurts, but I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about that...
I could go on and on about the boys, but I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about that too.

So, we're looking for a house. We've been looking for a few weeks now, but we found two today that we really like. We got to see the inside of one today and we'll see the inside of the other tomorrow. The one we saw today is a 4 bedroom with a 2 living areas and an extra room that I'd use for a craft room/game room. I'd have the D&D guys over every so often. I like the inside of this house, but I REALLY like the outside of the other house.

I have a follow up with my doctor Thursday. I'm hoping she'll give me something to help with the pain because it is getting worse instead of better. My aunt, uncle, cousins and Kayla will be here Saturday. I'll take Kayla and the boys to Abilene on Thursday. I am looking forward to having a few days/nights with no kids. It will be incredible.

Mom and Matt are staying with me right now since I'm still not 100%. Taking care of the boys solo is out of the question at this time.

I'm about to fall asleep so I guess that's all I have right now. Happy Wednesday everyone!!!

Tuesday Thoughts

I wish the pain would go away :(
I over did it today, but it was so worth it ;)
I miss him so much it's crazy!
My butt hurts lol
I just want to be able to sit with my feet on the table without the pain
We're watching Mean Girls 2... IDK if I'll like it as much as the first one

I did like Mean Girls 2 as much as I liked the first one
I need to find a new job!!! ASAP!!!
I love you like crazy!!!
Mason is cutting more teeth so the total now is 6 coming in at one time. Poor baby is miserable :(
I should probably call my PCP and make an appointment to follow up from my ER visit...
I ran out of pain meds today and man am I miserable right now
I set the smoke alarm off tonight while cooking dinner lol I'm special like that
I am so ready to get back in the gym! I hate not being able to work out

I guess that's all for now... I am tired and ready for bed

Monday Madness

Today will be the first day I have the boys on my own since I got hurt. Matt has therapy today. I'm sure we'll manage just fine, but it's still hard for me to get up. Not much of anything else going on today.

Tuesday I'm on call from 6:30 to close. I kind of hope they need me so I can make up hours from Sunday, but at the same time I'm not sure if I'll be ready to be on my feet and bending yet.

Wednesday I'll be looking for a new job. I need something more than Gymboree can give me. I'm hoping maybe to be back in the gym on Wednesday. If nothing else maybe some light cardio.

Thursday I'm on call as well from 6:30 to close. No darts this week. Maybe some gym today?!

Friday I work 6:30 to close. Bob isn't coming home this weekend since he has vacation next week. He would have to pay his own way home if he came home this weekend.

Saturday I may go pick Kayla up for Spring Break. It will depend on my schedule next week.

Not a whole lot going on this week, I'm not sure if I'll be up to doing anything. As of right now I am thinking I won't be doing much of anything. I am still in pretty bad pain and can't get comfortable. :(

OUCH!

I decided to suck it up and hang out with the Dungeons and Dragons guys today so we could get our characters ready for Dark Heresy. I armed myself with all my medicine, my pillow, and Matt's cane.

Luckily Russ gave me the large soft office chair and when we were at Rob's his couch was amazing so the pressure wasn't so bad. It was the amount of sitting I did that killed me. I am in so much pain right now, but it was worth it. I got to spend time with my friends and I got a break from the boys.

Mom and Matt (and Patrick) cleaned the whole apartment while I was out. It looks great!!!! Hopefully it stays this way, but with Patrick and Mason, I doubt it.

I think I'm going to lay on the couch all day tomorrow and not move. The doctor at the ER wrote me out of work for three days so no new line for me tomorrow. I'm sure Gymboree loves me right now, but what can I do?!

That's all I have to blog tonight, I am exhausted, sore, and my meds are kicking my butt.

So Tired

I am beyond tired of doctor offices and the emergency room. I've spent more time in these places the past month than I have ever.

Tonight's visit was for myself though not Mason...

I was going to start my tomato and pepper plants today so I went to sit on the steps outside so we didn't make a mess in the house. Patrick and Mason followed me outside and my hands were full. Mason just started climbing the steps two days ago so I was trying to keep him away from the steps. I went to sit down quickly to keep him blocked from the steps. I sat down too fast and missed the step. I hit the edge of the step with my tailbone instead.

I instantly stood up and tears filled my eyes. The pain was crazy! I've given med free birth twice and let me tell you, the pain I felt today was so much worse than natural child birth. It hurt to laugh, cough, sneeze, sit, stand, walk, and lay down. I managed to get Mason in bed and Patrick watched tv while I took some ibuprofen and laid on the couch. I called Mom and Matt so they could come over and help me.

When they finally got here I decided to go get it checked out because the pain was still pretty intense. While in the ER I was able to walk until I got x-rays. I had to lay flat on my back for the x-rays and let me  tell you... that was BRUTAL. I was in so much pain I wanted to throw up. After the x-rays I made him take me to my room in a wheel chair. There was no way I was walking all the way back over there.

My diagnosis is a bruised tailbone. Because I am allergic to codeine and hydrocodone my options of pain management are pretty limited. The doctor wrote me a prescription and I have to alternate them with Motrin. I also have to take stool softeners (I'm sure you all wanted to know that lol). The only thing I can do is pain management and rest. Mom and Matt are staying here to help me with the boys. I'm written out of work for three days which means no floor set for me this week. I know my manager is going to be upset, but what can I do?!

I have to sit on a pillow and I need Matt's cane to get up. I'm sure I am going to be quite the sight at Dungeons and Dragons tomorrow.

Hopefully this is the last ER visit for the Tankersley family for a while. Have a great Saturday!!!

Things I "Hate"

• meatloaf (unless it's made from turkey)
• meatballs (unless they're on a sandwich from Subway)
• liars (if you can't be honest then I have no desire to have you in my life)
• bugs
• washing dishes lol
• fake people
• mayonnaise 
• cream of mushroom soup
• when I'm waiting for a text and my phone vibrates and it's either an email or a text from someone other than the person I was wanting to hear from
• rude people!!!!
• know it alls...just because you have a kid doesn't mean you know everything about parenthood. Hell I have three kids and I know I don't know everything about parenthood
• I know there are more things I hate but I can't think of them right now. I hope you all enjoy your weekends!!!

Things I Love

Trying to think of something else to blog about. I'm at a loss so how about a "things I love" post...

• pink and black... on just about anything
• monkeys
• texting
• working out
• leather scented candles
• boots
• my guys
• my daughter
• family and friends
• facebook
• my iPod
• my Nikon
• my Mac
• coke zero
• basketball shorts and long socks 
• short shorts, long socks, and boots lol 
• coloring books
• reading
• dungeons and dragons
• darts (it's a new hobby of mine thanks to my mom)
• tequila

Stay tuned for tomorrow's Things I don't love blog!

Wordless Wednesday