One word is all it takes to sum up how I feel. I still wake up in the morning, I still live my life, I have to. My boys need me. Everyone asks how I'm doing and I say I'm fine, I say I'm okay but if you could look deeper you'd see that I'm not me. I'm a shell of me who has good times. Times when the tears stop and for that moment everything is alright. I can put on one hell of a front and appear strong. I can stop the tears long enough to hold a conversation, but inside I'm so broken.
Seven years... and while they weren't all perfect they were perfect for us. We held strong through some crazy stuff. We brought two amazing little boys into this world. Two perfect handsome amazing little boys. They're what keep me going. I know when I go pick them up from Abilene I am going to lose it. I can't begin to know how to explain things to them.
I know I am strong enough to do this, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have to do it for my boys though!!!