Friday, December 3, 2010

So Nervous

Today is the last day Bob will be home until Christmas break. He leaves tomorrow morning for the job back in Brownsville.

I am nervous, scared, unsure, you name the emotion and I am probably feeling it right now. Can I really take care of Patrick, Mason, and Ty (not to mention myself) all day every day by myself?

Did I make the right choice by us staying here while he goes down there? I mean I got the job I was really wanting, and I DO have friends here, but was it the right choice? Part of me says heck yeah it was the right choice, but I have a anxious feeling about it. Part of me says WTF are you doing Sara?!?

The nights are going to kill me! It's going to be so quiet and lonely in the house. I can manage the days, we do that anyway, even when he's working locally. He'll miss Mason's first steps, he may miss the first birthday too depending on when he has to go back to work after the holidays. Who am I going to talk about my first day of work to? What happens in February when Mom and Matt go back on the road and I don't have anyone to watch the boys while I work?

Will Patrick understand? Will Mason remember him when he comes home?

And then there's the big one... those that know what happened Friday on our way to Arlington...what if it happens down there, when I can't be there???? What if it's worse? He swears it scared him and he's not going to do it, but how can I be sure?

Will our marriage suffer? I've been around enough "K" employees to know that way to many of them get "a little fun on the side" if you know what I mean. I mean I trust Bob, but some of you know that there have been some "issues".

I'm really hoping Bob doesn't decide today is the day to read my blog and I'm also hoping my little stalkers don't get on here today. It's really not the day for me to have to mess with that.

Can I do this on my own? Can I handle being alone every night (except for the couple nights he comes home when he can coordinate time off from both projects)? Was it the right decision?

I know nobody can answer these questions but me, but I had to get this out. Now, if only Lindsey would wake up so I could talk to her. Ugh my trip to Arkansas can't come soon enough. Luckily Cindy will be back from Florida in a few days so I'll be making a trip to Lewisville to talk to her in person too.

Thanks for "listening" to me!!!!

and just because I know you're reading this... IMYLM ILYLC

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